Lub-Dub

   So I had another entry started, but I forgot to save it. And now it's gone forever. That about fits how this week has gone. That entry started with ragings about my stupid heart. Maybe it's good that the entry is lost forever. Because, as I've thought it over, I don't think my heart is that stupid after all. On the contrary, it simply knows what it wants and refuses to compromise. This is brilliance to me. I am always taking moments to lash my heart for what it wants and what it doesn't. I've never taken a moment to thank it for knowing what will be good and bad for it in the long run. I must learn to trust it more. You see, my heart, much like the body that encompasses it, loves to dance. And it only longs for things that make it skip and beat freely without hesitancy. No, it's not picky. It's just an extremely complex little muscle that is fully aware of what makes it happy. It seems that I have spent so many years desperately attempting to convince it to sit quietly in its dark space, just doing its mundane job....day....after....day. "This should be fine! This is what you are meant for! What makes you skip and dance and sing, you see, it doesn't exist. There are no songs unique to your rhythm. Be happy to beat in the same way, always." And my heart, it complies for a bit. But then, on some random day, it hears it; that which makes it dance. And ah! There it goes dancing, and skipping, directly in defiance of its bitter cage. And it is days like those, those happy fleeting days, that convince it to maintain its stubborn position. 

   "I will trust you now. I too believe in the power of the music that moves you." There are so many songs, millions of different ways to arrange notes within harmonies and rhythm. But there are only those rare few that move you to tears; The ones that send chills dancing across the entire length of your skin; The songs that contain words that sing to the very depths of your core; those which make your heart sing along. These are the rare ones. 

   There have been several songs throughout my life that have affected me in the way I just mentioned. They were appropriate at very different times. There are some that made me love life more; some that forced me to love myself with all my flaws; ones that convinced me to dance in the rain and not feel foolish; and ones that ended up breaking my heart before they were over. And I am thankful for every last one of these. I thank them for convincing my heart to stay on course, fully aware that out there, that perfect song does exist. Perhaps it hasn't been written yet. But it's lyrics are already there flowing through that other heart, making itself perfectly ready to dance with mine. I'll be waiting until I hear you.